We are not spiritual orphans! We are not alone.

The title of this post came from a talk that has pretty much summed up exactly what i have learned this past week. I highly recommend everyone to read it. Just click here.

***So first off here is the disclaimer for the post... there is so much i want to express that it may come across jumbled or disorganized. Second, if you don't want to read the whole thing skip to the last paragraph before the quote :) Anyway here we go.... ***

So one thing that has been a constant thing in my  life is the need to be perfect. As long as i can remember i have had the feeling that i was expected to be perfect. This doesn't come from someone telling me i have to be; i even know that those around me will still love me even when i do mess up. Anyway, as i have continue to grow up and learn more about myself i have realized that due to this false sense of expectation i have made myself feel that i can't  express anger, or sadness, that if anyone asks for a favor i have to say yes and then if it turns out i have to cancel, i feel terrible about it. I have set up the idea that if  people found out that i had flaws, they would think less of me. Of course i knew that everyone has flaws but for some reason i had talked myself into the idea that it applied to everyone but me. Obviously this type of thinking effects my every day life. In the past i have just kept it to myself, not because i felt like no one could tell but i just couldn't bring myself to admit out loud that i was struggling. Call it pride, or call it whatever you want, but i had this going on. This past week the Lord has changed my hard slowly and has helped me changed one of the biggest misconceptions i have had. 

So of course i have made a wonderful and lasting and absolutely eternal decision of getting married. Which i am so excited for!! but with this i have realized comes a lot of growth and development already. But with that growth has also come a lot of opposition. I know that this decision is the right one but Satan also knows that getting married in temple is the right thing and would do anything to get me to doubt this decision. So of course Satan has attacked me and has tried so hard to make me feel in any way possible that because i am not perfect i will be letting down those closest to me in my life. These feelings have caused me to stay up at night and stress and then resulting in me becoming sick. So this past week, i knew i had to make a choice. I had to turn it all over to the Lord and not try and do this on my own any more. I had to accept the fact that i am not perfect. I am not expected to be perfect, and no one thinks i am perfect. This of course was a big thing for me to try and accept. So this past week at the Temple, i was reading in the Book of Mormon and came across a scripture in 3 Nephi 9:13 which said " will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may ^cheal you?". This scripture got me to realize that i had to truly turn it all over. Right then and there i said a slight prayer letting the Lord know that i was truly putting it all into his hands. Leading up to that point i had felt so heavy and like i had the weight of the world on my shoulders. As soon as that prayer was said i felt such peace and such an uplifting feeling. I wish i could fully explain the feeling that came over me but i am not the most eloquent writer so no words would do it justice. 

Then on Saturday I was able to ask my wonderful future husband and my terrific father for a priesthood blessing. I am so very grateful to have two such worthy priesthood holders in my life. I know that this transition in my life is a glorious and joyful one that will continue to bring me such happiness, but it is also so great to know that i will always have my father there to help me when i need it. The blessing was one of healing. I started to realized that even thought that was for physical needs, thats exactly what was taking place. I am being healed. 

This was such a wonderful feeling, then today at church i read and heard things that just confirmed that i don't have to be perfect. I don't have to do things alone. There is always someone who will be right by my side to help me if i let him. That is the key. He will never force anyone to ask him for help; he will give us the opportunity to ask for help but he will never force us. Ever since i truly gave it over to him, i have had such a more peaceful feeling even when things have come up. It is truly such a blessing to have had the wonderful experience and the opportunity to change. 

I know that this has been a long post but i have to tell you all one last thing before i post a couple of really wonderful insightful quotes. I must thank you all. I am so grateful for a family who has truly loved me and made their love known to me throughout my entire life. I am so grateful that they have continually shown me that the mistakes i make and the flaws i have are only to be used for me to grow and develop. I am so grateful for extended family and friends who have selflessly served me and continually have shown me christ like love. I have been so blessed with roommates, past and present who have loved me for me. ( quirks and all ) .Lastly i am so grateful for an absolutely wonderful, patient, loving, worthy priesthood holder who consistently let me know of his love for me no matter what mistakes or flaws i have. I am so excited to marry Drake Christopher Cottman!!   My challenge is to turn over anything that maybe hard for you over to the Lord, he will heal you . 
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insightful quotes 

• " Scriptures teach that the natural man is an enemy to God, but God is not an enemy to the natural man. God is actually his best friend."
• Righteousness is not hitting the bull's eye every time; it is rather a kind of " target practice". 
• Learning includes making mistakes. When we mess up , we don't need a critic as much as we need a coach- someone we can trust who can effectively help us along 
• " We cannnot handle it. We cannot make it on our own. We cannot pull ourselves up by our own spiritual bootstraps. We are not bright enough or powerful enough to bring to pass the mighty change necessary to see and enter the kingdom of God. We cannot pry our way through the gates of the heavenly Jerusalem any more that we can perform our own eye surgery". - Robert L. Millet 
• Don't try to make your house immaculate to receive Christ as a special visitor instead think of Him as a backdoor friend who was willing to come help her with the chores. 
• In God's eyes, striving toward a goal can be just as important as reaching it. 
• " So much of the anxiety and depression surrounding perfectionism can be tied to an unwillingness to accept the fact that growth in mortality takes time and is realized through small, incremental improvements. " - Allan D. Rau 
• In the church we ask for faith, not infallibility 
• " Regardless of the depth or multiplicity of our individual weaknesses, the atonement is always there. There in lies its beauty and genius- it is never beyond our grasp" - Tad R. Callister.